Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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