the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Drake has all the answers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
