I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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