I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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