Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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