FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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