i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
