look no pants
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize