Acid is not a monday night drug
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
