My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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