I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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