I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ok first of all what the fuck
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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