Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
