The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize