the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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