Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
