I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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