Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
