dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
