I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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