I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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