Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
