well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
