Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
