I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
