I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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