Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
