We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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