I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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