Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
