I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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