I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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