Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
