Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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