you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk is not a location!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
