Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
