Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
