All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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