we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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