I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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