I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
