i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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