if you like me you must not know who I am
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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