Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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