:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
