Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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