tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
