If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
