i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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