Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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