i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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