I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
