You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
