he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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