Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
