Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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