"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
