i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
