Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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