Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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