I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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