watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
