I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
