enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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