Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
