Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
