I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
