He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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