im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize