I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
