hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
its liver damage thursday
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